WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET?

What is your biggest regret?

I hate the word regret. Don't you?

It has such a negative connotation. The whole idea of looking back on your past and wishing things had turned out differently is just so unhealthy in my opinion.

Until someone invents a legitimate time machine I say we throw the word regret right out the damn window. What do y'all think?

Easier said than done right?

I know. My biggest problem used to be looking back on my past and wishing I had not made the mistakes I had made. It was what I like to call my "fatal flaw."

The past ate at me constantly. That flaw is long gone now, and to be completely honest, I don't really know how I kicked it. I wish I could give some grand advice about how I was finally able to stop looking at my past and wishing things had turned out differently, but I can't!

I think one day I just thought about how I literally cannot go back and erase the things I had done and the decisions I had made. All I can do now try my very best not to make those mistakes again.

Time was also a huge factor. You know when they say, "time heals all wounds?" Yeah, they aren't shitting you with that statement. It really does heal everything.

As time has gone on I've grown up a lot.

Shocking. I know.

But the more mature we get the more we realize that the past is the past. I look back at the things I did my freshman year of college and literally laugh out loud. Like okay 1) my eyebrows were awful, why did no one tell me? 2) Self worth and respect were two things I clearly did not value. And 3) I never branched out of my comfort zone!

I think about who I was then and who I am today and smile. Those mistakes made me Leah. So while I maybe regret flirting with that one guy, or drawing on my eyebrows to look like caterpillars, or even quitting the beloved dance team... I still smile about those decisions because I would not be where I am now if it weren't for my choices.

I will say this though y'all... The "I wish I HAD NOT done that" regret is much easier to get over than the "I wish I HAD done that" regret.

Think about it... The things we did do that we regret are things we can learn from. The things we did not do are things we look back on and say "what if?"

I honestly pride myself in having none of those regrets.

I've always been the type of person who just goes for it. I need a lot of convincing and support, but I always end up just doing what my gut tells me.

For example, I lived in Cincinnati a long time. Not too long, because I met my favorite people in my last few months of living there, but a long time nonetheless. 

I wanted to get out, but I thought that I might as well stick it out for another full year. I had two jobs and a lot of obligations.

To be completely candid with you though, I was miserable. I was constantly crying, constantly visiting my family, constantly dreading each day... Sounds morbid but I really was very sad in that city. Y'all, I had no intention of leaving until my cousin Jeff told me that I would be insane if I didn't get out immediately.

So... I started applying for internships in Atlanta.

I chose Atlanta because it is a big city with lots of opportunities. It is also a good middle ground from both my dad, who lives in Auburn, and my mom, who lives in Knoxville. Turner Broadcasting came up on good ole LinkedIn so I filled out an application for every single position they were offering. I had no thoughts that I would actually land one, I just figured that if I was so sad in one spot that I might as well try to change it. Plus Jeff deemed me insane for wanting to stay so I decided to rid that title.

I got lots of emails back from CNN, but then I got in contact with one of the Executive Producers for Turner Sports. We had a nice little phone interview and from there it was the waiting game.

And then one glorious day I met Mr. Charles Barkley. He is an Auburn alum so as you can all rightfully assume, he knows my father.

I introduced myself to this funny man who had tons of people surrounding him. He said, "You're the one who wants the internship!" I cried. He already knew about me y'all.

What was once an idea, a dream really, had become a reality.

Now I find myself working for people like Shaquille O'Neal, Reggie Miller, Ernie Johnson, Grant Hill... I mean the greats. I see how NBATV and TNT Inside the NBA are produced. My mind is blown when I get to show rookies around the studio or meet great coaches like Kevin McHale and talk basketball with him. I am living a dream.

I look back and imagine if I had decided to stay in Cincinnati. Ohh what a mistake. What a regret that would have been. 

My point here, friends, is to never shoot down an opportunity that comes your way. Never envision a dream and decide it's too big. Never look at your life feeling unsatisfied and do nothing about it. 

Never have a regret that embodies you NOT doing something.

So, what's my biggest regret?

Well I don't have one. But just because I don't have a regret that haunts me in my sleep does not mean I have my shit together.

Because I don't.

I'm a mess actually.

But I love it. I love not having everything figured out. Sometimes picking up and moving to a totally different city comes with a lot of downfalls. I do get lonely and I do get stressed and I do get sad, but that is okay!

I have an amazing opportunity in the palm of my hands because

I WENT FOR IT. NO RAGRETS. NOT EVEN A SINGLE LETTER.

"amazing"

It's really hard trying to find inspiration to write a blog.  I was telling Ryan (Ryan is my boyfriend for those of you who don't know me but happened to have come across this blog for some odd reason) that I really want to become an avid blogger but I'm A) too scared and B) not going through any life changing moments that are worth writing about.  Then I sat back and realized that none of you really care what I'm going through and really don't want to hear my rants or epiphanies.

I mean, that's what blogging is usually about right?  Some random person talking about themselves and their life experiences trying to offer some sort of advice?  That's what I thought it was all about.  I'm not known for being a WISE girl who is also KIND OF religious and could be a DECENT writer, you know?  So why would anyone want to come and read my silly blog?

LIKE THAT'S WHAT GOES THROUGH MY HEAD WHEN I'M TRYING TO POST SOMETHING!!  My mind is a joke, y'all.  I'm insane.

Alright, let me get to the point...  I am VERY self-conscious as you can probably tell.  Yeah, that's the whole reason for this blog...  My lack of self confidence.  This may seem silly but I think everyone goes through it!

For me, I am always trying to find something "amazing" to do with my life.  Unfortunately, nothing ever lives up to the word "amazing" in my book.  I'm always trying to write an "amazing" blog or get an "amazing" body or change someone's life and become "amazing."

But what does amazing mean?  It is perceived differently to everyone.  I don't believe we can all look at one thing and think "that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen."  So why in the world am I always trying to live up to this expectation that really just doesn't exist?

I know why.  Because a few years ago I did something that I thought was amazing.  I made a dance team I didn't think I could make.  I followed my dreams and not many people can say they've done that.  Not many people can say that they followed their dreams and then gave it all up a year later.  Yeah, I did that too.

I think I did it because I was going through a lot of things that just couldn't be fixed when I was on the team.  I messed up, y'all.  I was not Leah.  And the people around me, including myself, couldn't accept me for all my flaws.  I still get sad about quitting because the following two years after I left, the team won gold at nationals.  That could've been me...  That could've been my amazing.

But know this, y'all...  I wholeheartedly believe that quitting that team was by far the most amazing thing I've ever done.  I am Leah now.  Sometimes the most important decisions we make are the hardest.  If your gut is telling you to do something then YOU HAVE TO DO IT!

I was once the girl who followed the status quo.  I thrived off of the attention, the awards, the outfits, the identity...  And I gave that up to stay true to myself.  It may not be the amazing I had in mind, but it's pretty fuckin awesome.  It was something I didn't WANT to do but I knew I HAD to do it.  

I don't need to convince anyone that I am a better me because those who know me just know.  I don't have everything figured out.  I am a 21 year old student living in a place that I don't love, I have an 11 year old dog who isn't house trained, I work two jobs going on three, and I am a mess.  But how beautiful is it that we can be so tragic sometimes and still make it out alive?  Newsflash y'all, you DO NOT have to have it all right now.

Amazing is just a word.  It's the meaning behind it that matters and you wanna know something funny?  No one really knows the meaning of amazing!  All I know is that everyday I plan to wake up thankful and happy for EVERY decision I've made that's gotten me to where I am today.  I may be self-conscious and I may have a lot to figure out, but I will not live my life trying to exceed this expectation of amazing I've placed upon myself.  You shouldn't either.

So let's wake up tomorrow morning and make the best of our day.  We don't have to be amazing, but we should smile because each day is new.  We will mess up, we will fall, we will get back up, and we will do it all over again.  And THAT is amazing, my friends.

Til next time,

Leah

Israel - My Experience

Before I begin, I would like to let everyone know that I am no expert on what is going on in the Middle East. In fact, before I visited Israel I probably couldn't have said five facts about the issues taking place because I am a shallow American girl who cares more about the amount of likes she gets on Instagram than what is actually going on around the world. Wish I was joking... Anyway, while I probably just demolished any kind of credibility you thought I had, I will confidently say that I now have more knowledge on the issues taking place in Israel because I saw first hand what is actually happening over there.

It can be determined that my birthright trip was without a doubt different from the ideal birthright experience. There was drinking, hiking, camel riding, and many selflies that stemmed from there, but it was also followed by Israel's plan of a ground invasion in Gaza. I was hoping for a 10 day vacation, but it really became a 10 day learning experience. The whole "situation" didn't become real until I found myself running into a bomb shelter while missiles were fired into Eilat, just a few hundred feet away from my hotel. Emotions were running high, not because I was scared (even though the sound and feeling of a bomb dropping is a bit frightening), but because seeing people who were at once complete strangers come together to comfort each other was overwhelmingly touching. Adversity truly brought us closer.

There is nothing I want less than to come off biased, but after seeing what I saw, and hearing stories from Israeli soldiers, I felt inspired to go home and do my research to further help the state of Israel. Even saying I want to help the state of Israel makes me sound biased... I mean how ridiculous is that? Just in case you didn't know, I am Jewish. I was raised conservative, I had a Bat Mitzvah, and I still observe on religious holidays. This shouldn't be a shocking statement considering literally everyone knows I'm Jewish. I think we can all agree that it is heartbreaking to see thousands of Palestinian and Israeli citizens killed. My main issue is the hate, propaganda, and side taking on the news and social media. After experiencing what I did in Eilat, I could finally say that I got a taste of what is really going on in the Middle East. In the rare times I had wifi, I was eager to see what the world had to say about what was going on. To my surprise, I found tons of negative posts towards Israeli's. Anger is an understatement. I will not go on a rant about why I was angry because that doesn't really matter at this point. The only thing that matters is that one day both Arabs and Israeli's will find a sense of peace in one way or another. The lack of knowledge I saw online, however, was just hurtful. Y'all really have no idea what is going on. This issue is so simple, yet so complicated all at the same time. Peace is the goal here, friends... Not slaughter.

Let me make one thing clear, going to Israel on Mayanot Birthright was easily the best decision I've ever made. I learned about the history of Israel, I heard stories from amazing individuals, and I found my new family of 50+ strong. There were sirens and missiles going off in every other direction, but that never took away from my experience. It actually added to it. I could go into extreme detail and tell y'all about every excursion, every conversation, even every feeling I had in those 10 days, but you wouldn't understand. No offense, but it's one of those "you had to be there" type of situations. Everyone told me I would have the experience of a lifetime the second I stepped off that plane, but I didn't quite understand what they meant until I actually submerged myself into the Israeli culture. I could attempt to explain what I experienced in one word or sentence, but it just wouldn't be enough. All I can do is beg you to go make an experience for yourself. When you do that, you will understand exactly what I am talking about.

I was told by one of the Israeli soldiers who joined my birthright trip to be a "little ambassador" for the state of Israel. That is what I am trying to do here. If you know me, you know I am a lover, not a fighter. I hate what is going on in the Middle East... But I will always support the state of Israel because it is my home. I used to make the joke that I am JewISH, emphasis on the "ish." But if Israel has taught me anything it is to be proud of my faith. This issue is far too controversial for a 20 year old girl's random blog to become relevant, but I just wanted to make it clear that is it scary over there, for both sides. All we can hope for as bystanders is for some kind of settlement to be made. Peace, in my opinion, is a bit unrealistic at this point, but I hope that both sides are looking for compromise, not a blood bath.

Pray for the people in the Middle East y'all. Sending all my love to my friends either living, vacationing, or fighting in Israel. I love you all endlessly and hope I am spreading the word in the most loving way possible. Hope y'all enjoyed this post and enjoy a few pictures from 10 of the best days my life has ever known.

#MayanotBirthright #Taglit #StruggleBus196

Dear Mommy

Dear Mommy,

You deserve more than a day. I mean, one day for everything you do for four children? You've given us life, you raised us to be perfect (and extremely good looking, I might add), you've created memories that define who we are, and you've even provided a new standard to gourmet cooking. Although this blog is late, and I didn't get to celebrate your day at home with you, I need you to know how truly important you really are to me.

You are DA MAMA. Not mama, DA mama. You are the light of my life, mom. You, over anyone else, are the main person I want to make happy. Believe me, I know that is hard to see at times, but ask anyone and they will tell you that is the truth. Mommy, you've taught me so much. I mean, how would I be able to cook my own meals if you weren't a phone call away?? But seriously, I value every ounce of advice you give me because you've been through it all, and yet somehow you still come out on top. The strength and drive you have to improve your life not only for yourself but for your children still amazes me.

There was a time in my life where sadness kind of took over. I'm sure other people know that feeling. It sucks, am I right? But YOU are the person who talked me out of it, mama. You introduced me to the Four Agreements. Y'all, my mom changed the way I see basically everything with this one phone conversation. She told me....

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word - Don't speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
How much happier would your heart be if you spoke with love instead of spite? Thank you, mom, for teaching me this.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally - Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Stop caring what others think! Their opinions are what they are and that has nothing to do with you. You cannot let the opinions of other people bring you down because in the end, their opinions are worthless, y'all. Thank you, mom.

3. Don't Make Assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
I love this one. Communication is SO important. Don't be afraid to express how you feel because our assumptions are almost never accurate. Thank you, mom.

4. Always Do Your Best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
You can never be disappointed in yourself if you do your best. This agreement is definitely easier said than done, but it is such a simple task. You will never feel dissatisfied with yourself if you just do the best you can. Thank you, mom.

I wish you knew how much these rules changed my life. You are so smart and so wise, mommy. And I am SO proud of you and the journey you are embarking on with your career. I can see a light forming inside you and it is so beautiful. If anyone needs their heart to be filled with happiness, it it you. I love you so much mommy.

Whether it be glamour shots...

Your attempt to be a hardcore dance mom...

Selfies on New Year's Eve...

You looking absolutely FLAWLESS on New Year's Eve...

Or me continuing to climb on you when I'm a grown woman...

You will always be da mama, you will always hold the biggest spot in my heart, and you will always continue to amaze me with your strength. I love you infinity and beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond..... And so it continues. Happy Mother's Day, even though you deserve more.

We Are Arrows

Hello everyone. Welcome to my first blog post. I'd like to begin by sending my sincerest apologies to you grammar freaks who will most likely butcher my writing. I am not a writer, and I do not claim to be one. I just have a lot to say and would love nothing more than to share it with you fabulous people! Here goes nothing :)

Alright, I have a little metaphor for you lovelies. We are like arrows. We must constantly be pulled back before we can shoot forward. I am a firm believer in this saying and am extremely passionate about it. These past few weeks, however, have been a true test of my beliefs in this saying. While throwing all expectations of pity out the window, I just want everyone to hear whats been going on in my crazy beautiful life.

Let's have a little history lesson shall we? Well first things first, my name is Leah Pearl. I am a Tennessee native living in Cincinnati, Ohio. I left Knoxville to attend the University of Cincinnati where I was once a member of their nationally and internationally ranked dance team. I am the daughter of Bruce Pearl: former Head Men's Basketball Coach at The University of Tennessee. He was fired from Tennessee on March 21, 2011 after lying to the NCAA along with a bunch of other stupid things that I prefer not to get into. We will save that for later. Anyway, after three years of rebuilding his reputation, working three jobs to provide for his family, and keeping a smile plastered on his adorable daddy face the whole time, he was finally offered a new job to coach at Auburn University on March 18, 2014.

He is an arrow.

A lot of people, including myself, knew my father would get a ton of offers when his three year suspension was over. Dad was the only person who had doubts. Then one beautiful Friday night, the Auburn AD and COO traveled all the way to Connecticut (where my dad was working as an ESPN March Madness analyst) and offered him an opportunity that he just couldn't pass up. Fast forward to March 17, 2014. I get a call from my father on my way to work and he says, "Baby, I've been offered a job at Auburn and I think I'm gonna take it. We leave tomorrow morning for the press conference so get your butt in Knoxville now!" I rushed home. When I say rushed I literally mean pushed 90 the whole drive from Ohio to Tennessee. PS - I promise I'm not a hazard to the roads. PPS - Okay, maybe I am, but what 20 year old girl isn't right?? Anyway, with that one phone call, my life changed.

Here is where we get into the serious junk. Y'all ready for this? As I mentioned above, I once danced for the UC Dance Team. If you are familiar with the dance world, you know who Cincinnati is. For those who don't, the UCDT is a group of badass chicks who can dance like you wouldn't believe. It was an amazing experience to be a part of that team, but I ended up leaving for several reasons. The first reason being to find my identity outside of dance, reason number two being to do better in school, and the third reason being to stay strong to my beliefs in leadership. I want it to be known, however, that my personal beliefs should not reflect negatively towards the UCDT. I left for reasons that I know they understand.

Moving on! I took a year off from dance and started running and dedicating my life to fitness. When my father was getting offered his new job, I was actually training to run in my first half marathon. It was something I had always dreamed of doing. Another dream of mine was to dance for my father on the sideline while he coached. I quickly decided to move from Cincinnati to Auburn and give dance another shot. I would be living in the plains with my family and in this moment, life was perfect. I was busting my ass to run in this half, I was training to tryout for the Auburn Dance Team, and I was more than excited to start a new life for myself in Alabama. Everyone was so proud of me too. They admired me for following my dreams and doing what truly made me happy. I knew this opportunity was never going to come knocking on my door again, so I went for it full force.

Tryouts were right around the corner and I was so ready. I looked better going into tryouts for Auburn than I did for Cincinnati. I was happy too! I forgot how much dance fulfilled my heart. The passion that flows through my body when I dance really is indescribable. It was a hard weekend at tryouts full of vigorous dancing. To be honest, I never even thought that not making the team was an option. Well...

I didn't make it.

At the time, it seemed like my shallow failure to make a college dance team was the worlds biggest tragedy. My dream to dance for my dad was ruined, I took my name off my lease for my house in Cincinnati so I had no where to live, and I was just embarrassed. I mean I told EVERYONE that I was leaving Cincinnati to go dance at Auburn. Like... Smooth move, Leah. While I was more than embarrassed and hurt to not make the dance team, I chose to brush it off and focus on my half marathon. All I could think of was the satisfaction I would feel when I crossed that finish line. I failed at making a dance team, but I couldn't possibly fail at this, right? No...

Unfortunately, after my long dance weekend, I came home with a ton of pain in my left hip. I went to the doctor to see if I could get medicine to ease the pain for my half and they said that I had early stages of a stress fracture and running 13.1 miles the next weekend was extremely unrealistic.

Y'all, I was crushed. It was like... How can I fail at so many things in a matter of seven days? It made no sense to me. I had never been injured and I had definitely never not made a team! This whole "failure" thing hit me like a bus and I really was not ready for it. After crying like an idiot for a few days and feeling sorry for myself, I got up and thought, "ENOUGH."

I am the epitome of blessed. How could I not see that? I am beyond fortunate that THESE are the struggles I go through. Stress fracture? I still have a leg. No half marathon? There are plenty of half marathons I can run in. Not dancing? I still attend an amazing college with even better friends and can visit my father whenever I please. All of this craziness that has happened in the past week is seriously a blessing in disguise. I love my friends in Cincinnati and if I had ran that half you better believe I'd be seeing surgery in my future. Things could be so much worse and we ALL need to realize that when our lives don't go as planned. Hell, the best adventures happen when your plans go to shit. Never let set backs, even if they are extremely minor like my own, define you. They may seem like the biggest test from God, but he would never throw something at you that you couldn't handle. 

We are all arrows. We all will fall. The key is getting back up.